Sunday, March 31, 2013

the laws of passive aggressiveness

1. Subtle bitchfacing is key. (i.e. Make "lol r u that stupid?" = "My face hates you but I'm going to smile anyway.")


2. "i hate u so much omfg" should now be "You know, there's just something about you..." The key is saying it the way you would up a stained shirt and say, "Yeah...this just is not going to work." A tongue click, shaking of the head, and slightly squinted eyes are optional but add to the line.

3. "omg plz do my h.w. i am so screwed wtf" is turned into "Do you know the answer to this question? Wow, you're so good at this! Surely you can do this problem, too...and I was having a little trouble with this one,'ll do all? Really? Aw, you don't have to. You insist? Well, thanks!" Add a smile and a little shrug. Then go back to eating your sushi and staring at your latest infatuation until all fifty of the science questions are done. 

4. "move out of the effing way OMG" will be, "You know what, I'm tired and I have no time to deal with this. My LIONFISH died yesterday. I just want to get to the space behind you, okay?" (The lionfish part can be replaced when any other fish, except for a goldfish, because those things die all the time. It's a bit scary. They have a lifespan of about five minutes.) 

5. "hey there i rly rly lyke u and maybe we should go out?" = "Your face. I like it." 

6. "omg i am 2 lazy 2 finish this blog post" is now "Stay tuned for more!" 

Queen of the Chronic Bitchface
The seemingly permanent position of my face

1 comment:

  1. this blog post is...okay, i guess. (meow meow passive aggression--it's great, as always)